the first thing i hear is, “you are beautiful”.
next: “i love you”.
this was today, waking up
this was twenty seven years ago, entering the world.
i have found love.
but first, i was given love.
i am so excited to start a life with someone i am committed to, doing something i am committed to, being a way that i am committed to being. i feel young and strong and vibrant and full of joy.
but am also, deeply, filled with gratitude. and awesome appreciation. there is not room enough in my heart for the way i feel about my parents, my family.
i am in a moment of real transition.
and as my life continues, so does everyone else’s.
my grandmother is gone now.
my sweet, sweet mother is feeling the shifting current of her own journey through the seasons.
time, time, time.
we can mark it, memorialize it, remember it. but we cannot stop it.
and the flow of the future brings untold treasures. already, such astonishing abundance.
incredible friends have flown into my life. some have nested into the branching of my being. others have just touched down for a moment in their own migration. some squabble and squawk.
this movement manifests the moment.
new makes old.
even as i learn all about the body, i am not attached to it.
i stare disease and death, tumors and trauma, in the face all day.
i know this passing.
i know this is passing.
that this too shall pass.
yet my reference of self is this vessel, this skin and smile and story.
i feel very light and very high, and still full of heavy slowness.
tears tremble in the tension of my wonder and my worry. my peace and my impermanence.
i feel free and whole and huge, satisfied, triumphant.
but i am also vulnerable and quiet, bewildered, fragile, tender.
this life is a gift.